


Take The Damn Medicine

by gingerbread man (xphantomhive)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Based on real life things, Been on bedrest, Dave has to be John's caretaker, Even though I was supposed to, First thing I've written since last Thursday, Goddammit John, It was like "haha too late", M/M, Nurse!Kanaya, Nurse!Terezi, Oneshot, Prankster's gambit knows no bounds, This is real this happened to me, Too bad John doesn't want to take his pain meds, Well I just refused to take my pain meds, probably sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-04-04 17:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4146633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xphantomhive/pseuds/gingerbread%20man
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You'll choke him with a spoon and you won't regret it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take The Damn Medicine

**Author's Note:**

> -fireworks exploding-  
> -buildings exploding-
> 
> I'M BACK!!!!!!  
> And this is the first thing I wrote.

TG: rose i need you to answer me right fucking now because i am about to shove a spoon down johns throat

TT: I knew you were full of untapped violence.

TG: rose stop no

TG: you should be worried about egbert

TT: Presumably.

TT: What has he done?

TG: he wont fucking take his pain meds

TG: tz who is actually a nurse practitioner who knew told me that even if he isnt in pain he needs to take this shit to stop the pain before it starts

TG: but whenever i give him a damn spoonful he gives me this look of disgust and then spits it on the floor rose our fucking carpet smells like fruity medication and egbert spit

TT: He did have his tonsils out.

TT: Have you asked him if he’s in pain?

TT: Perhaps he isn’t merely being defiant.

TG: ok yes john says, well he wrote on his board, that he is in excruciating pain and the medicine burns like the seven fires of hell and he refuses to take it

TG: he actually wrote me all of that shit can you believe it

TT: It appears the local anesthetic has worn off, then.

TT: They did give you numbing “mouthwash,” correct?

TT: Kanaya has informed me they’re meant to.

TG: yes but he wont fucking use it

TG: can you just

TG: get fucking harley and come over here

TG: preferably with tz and kanaya because theyre nurses maybe they can help

TT: Yes, but that means I’ll have to go. You’ll need someone to talk to so you don’t tear your boyfriend limb from limb, right?

TG: i love him too much to tear him limb from limb

TG: but i might shove the spoon down his throat so yeah i need someone to talk to

TT: I’m sure Terezi would be willing.

TT: I’ll bring everyone along you requested, you’ll have to tide John over until we’ve all arrived. Maybe he’ll even take the medicine during the waiting period.

TG: fat chance

TG: been trying to get this shit down all afternoon, the bottles half empty

TG: in retrospect i should probably stop trying

TT: It seems so.

TT: Well, I’ll have Kanaya get him a new bottle. I’m certain the doctor will understand.

TG: alright thanks rose

TT: No problem, Dave.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and in two seconds you are going to force your boyfriend to take this medicine whether he likes it or not.

You won’t refer to him as, “your boyfriend.” That’s stupid. His actual name is John Egbert, and precisely four hours ago, he had his tonsils out. You’ve been told by every friend you have in the medical field that he needs to take his pain medication, whether he’s in pain or not. You have to stop the pain before it starts, apparently. But he is simply refusing. You give him a spoonful and he spits it out on the carpet. “John, please, oh my god. I know you’re in pain and the medicine burns, but you need to take it or you’ll never sleep and the pain will kill you.”

He’s sprawled out on the floor, gangly limbs all over the place. There’s a growing lime green spot next to his head, from where he’d spit out countless spoonfuls of medicine that never made it to his stomach. He tries to murmur a response at you, but nothing comes out, and then he’s groaning and laying face-first into the carpet. You try to assist him by nudging the whiteboard towards him, and he lifts his head ever so slightly and reaches for the blue marker next to him.

why don’t you take the medicine, dave?

take it and see how much you like it.

i don’t want it!

and i will never take it.

“Holy fuck, Egbert. It’s three damn spoonfuls, not the entire bottle. Would you rather chug all of this shit at once?” Is your less-than-kind response, but you honestly could care less. You’re literally out of fucks to give.

but it’s gross!

and it hurts!

and i don’t want it!!

why can’t we just cuddle?

why won’t you let me sleep?

do you hate me?

“John, holy fucking _shit_. No, I do not hate you. We can cuddle once you finally take this pain medicine, and it will make you extra sleepy so you’ll be knocked out within seconds of shutting your eyes. You either take this now willingly or Kanaya, Terezi, Rose, and Jade are going to help me force feed it to you, and I really do not want to do that.”

He glares daggers at you. His blue eyes are impossibly bright, and you fear that he might miraculously gain the ability to shoot lasers from them. He crosses his arms over his chest and sits up, then opens his mouth (only slightly, but you thank whatever god in heaven has been kind enough to bless you with this gift) and tilts his head towards the spoon in your hand. Rose walks in as he’s swallowing the first spoonful, and then her frown turns to a shit-eating grin and she joins you on the sofa.

John gives her a short wave and swallows the second spoonful, makes a disgusted face, drinks some water, and pokes your leg so you’ll pour him the final one. Once that’s down, he flips you off. “What the fuck was that for? You’re the one who made me spend two hours trying to feed you some stupid fucking medicine!”

yeah, but you’re a meanie.

so you deserved it.

now i want to cuddle.

You sigh, shake your head, and open your arms. He cracks a smile and moves to the sofa, falling into your outstretched arms with a content sigh. It only takes about two minutes for him to be out cold, drooling all over your shirt. “You do realize he wouldn’t take it because he found your antics to be entertaining, right?” Rose says nonchalantly while you’re focused on the television, leaning back into the sofa.

_“What?”_

“Oh, yes. I should have told you, but I found his plan to be entertaining,” She goes on, keeping up the “I’m a mysterious oracle” act as long as possible. “Seems his prankster’s gambit cannot even be contained by a surgery. He messaged me not long ago, I assume you’d stepped out for a minute. I’ll let you read the messages for yourself.” You watch her unlock her phone and open pesterchum, then she hands the phone to you. The first thing you notice is the familiar blue font -- John’s. 

EB: psst, rose.

TT: Yes?

EB: i’m going to prank dave.

TT: My. Didn’t you just have your tonsils taken out?

EB: there is always a time for pranks!

EB: tonsils or not!

TT: Alright, alright. Tell me your master plan, then.

EB: ok, but you can’t tell dave.

TT: Scouts honor.

EB: he’s trying to feed me this pain medication.

EB: it burns my throat and i genuinely don’t want to take it, but it’s getting tiring spitting it all over the carpet.

EB: so now i’m just going to see how worked up i can get dave before he asks for help or just forces the medicine down.

EB: maybe i can even get him to be nice for once!

TT: Master plan, John.

TT: My condolences if he chokes you with the spoon.

EB: pranking requires sacrifice!

EB: and sometimes there are consequences.

TT: Carry on, then.

EB: woo!

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

You hand Rose her phone. She’s grinning like a madhouse escapee.

“I’m going to kill him.”

The group of girls laughs. “With a spoon?” Terezi asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> If this sucks, I apologize.
> 
> But it's based on my real experiences. Like I refused to take my pain meds for days on end, and I've finally started taking them again because APPARENTLY they're necessary even if I'm not in pain.


End file.
